


in another life, i would make you stay (the one that got away)

by technicallyimawriter



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, One-Sided Attraction, Or Is It?, POV Jace Wayland, Pining, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 19:04:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21213566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/technicallyimawriter/pseuds/technicallyimawriter
Summary: “Do you think it was a mistake?” he pushes, because that’s what he does. He pushes, hoping that someone will push back, and he knows deep down Maia is that someone.It’s not fair to put her in this situation. Not after Simon and that disaster that was Jordan. And Jace wishes that he had been around when that happened, to be her shoulder to cry on for at least one night, allow her to bring her walls down just one time and then they could all forget about it. Jace wishes that things were different between them, he really does.“How can you ask me that when you’re following your girlfriend around? That could be considered as cheating.” She smirks, but there’s not humor in her voice. Just resentment.It’s like a dagger straight to his heart but it’s fine. I can take this. He huffs. “It’s not cheating if she doesn’t remember me, or any of us for that matter. For me to cheat, that would imply that there’s a relationship and by the looks of it, there’s nothing.”





	in another life, i would make you stay (the one that got away)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/gifts).

> 84 YEARS AND WE STILL CRAVE FOR THOSE JAIA BREADCRUMBS, AM I RIGHT?
> 
> You are used to give, my dude, now you get to receive... my very first Jaia fic that turns angsty :) I've been dying to write something about them but I never had the courage until I sent you that ask and you inspired me to write this mess, even thought the ask was mine, so this is all weird. 
> 
> Honestly, this is for our entertainment and the other 10 people that will read this because I don't think there are more Jaia shippers in this house anymore lol but I promise, this is good.
> 
> Any mistakes that you see, those are mine only.
> 
> Enjoy :)

It’s funny.

It really is, if Jace thinks about it. Because after everything, he’s really thinking about setting a foot in the one place he will definitely end up dead. No questions asked.

_Hunter’s Moon._

He wasn’t thinking of coming, not really. Contrary to popular beliefs and most recent events, he cherishes his life and he still wants to live until his late 40s, if the demons and the shadowworld allows him.

However, tonight, he’s throwing caution through the wind and his instinct of survival to do this— He still doesn’t know what he’s going to do once he’s inside, but he just knows he needs to be here. Maybe have some kind of closure, and not really move on because there’s no _moving on _but at least have some semblance of it.

By this point, it’s been 5 minutes since he got here, and he’s been standing at the door mulling this whole thing over and looking like the stalker he has learned to be by now. Not by choice, but Clary is another story he doesn’t want to think about. Not tonight.

Readying himself, Jace takes a deep breath and take that single step inside the bar and hoping no werewolf is waiting for him to attack him.

Fortunately, no one was waiting for him for their final kill. In fact, there was barely any people there. Two men on each barstool and a couple at the far end of the bar, sharing bodily fluids in one of the booths in their own little bubble. _Downworlders,_ he knows by the death glares the two men throws at him.

It’s fine, he can take the heat; wouldn’t be the first time anyways. He takes a seat as far as possible of the others to prevent any bloodshed.

Maia has her back turned to him, hasn’t seen him yet so that gives him the chance to think something _witty _and smart, and straight-up lie about his reasons of being here. Truth be told, he doesn’t have any particular reason so on that front, he’s fine.

When she finally turns to him, probably expecting to be another late costumer, her face falls, not polite smile on her lips. No, Jace wouldn’t describe her face as polite.

_Disgust, _he thinks, _I can take that too._

Three long strides and Maia is in front of him, her eyes declaring the awful things she would do to him (and Jace believes he would let her because he deserves that too), her face pinched in anger, arms crossed over her chest.

“Do you have a death wish?” she asks, bluntly.

“Sometimes, yeah.” And he winces, because this is not really the time to act like so confident in a place where one bad word and he’s gone for good, Maia being the first one to put an end to his life right there.

“You really have some nerves, coming in here like you have a right to.” Her face hasn’t changed, not one bit. He knows she’s getting angrier by the minute and Jace needs to backpedal this conversation before she kicks him out.

He swallows, starting to feel nervous. “I just– I wanted a drink and this one was the only place closer.”

Maia doesn’t believe him, but she doesn’t have any evidence to say that he’s lying either, cons of not really having a plan before coming here, Jace supposes. Still sending him death glares, Maia grabs the closest bottle she has and pours him a drink, placing the glass over the counter hard enough that the sound is loud in the overall quiet place.

“That bottle has piss in it. Enjoy,” she says, curtly, followed by a smile that sends shiver down his spine. Deadly.

“I’ll hold you to it,” Jace replies, cheer in his tone and downs the drink at once.

He feels the burn of the whiskey down his throat and it’s so bitter and strong, Jace feels pressure behind his eyes, the clear sign that the tears are coming. He takes a deep breath and forces himself to not be affected by it. When he looks up, Maia is already looking at him.

“Tasty,” he adds, and if he sounds hoarse, Maia doesn’t call him out. Little blessings, he supposes.

Maia rolled her eyes but under that veil of indifference, Jace can see the ghost of a smile. _For old time’s sake._

She leaves him to his won devices to start cleaning the counter. By now, the couple is already gone and it’s only them and the two other men sitting alone.

He needs more liquid courage, but he doesn’t think he can bear another gulp of whatever he drank and anyways, he wants to be sober if this is the only time, he has the courage to come here.

There are a lot of things he wants to say and maybe he should start by saying how sorry he is, and he is, but he doesn’t think Maia will believe him or maybe she won’t care but the truth is that apologies are not enough and will never bring the people she lost back. Jace knows this and getting apologies out of pity is worse.

But he wants to say something, isn’t that the reason why he’s here? To have a chat with her, to forget about his own dilemma for once, to forget that he’s chasing a girl that doesn’t remember him. To be here with someone that made him feel _normal_ and didn’t have any expectations. To forget that their live in this world that they live in. To just be Jace and Maia.

And he wonders and he thinks, and the thought is on a loop now.

_What if._

“Do you ever think about it?” Jace asks, finally, he voice quivering a little in the end. Maia looks up and raises an eyebrow. “You and me.”

A look of _something _flashes across Maia’s face in a split-second, so fast Jace almost misses it but he saw it. The question doesn’t go unnoticed. But before he can dwell on that some more, Maia’s face hardens and she’s back on cleaning the counter and putting back glasses in the sink.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says, voice almost a whisper.

“Because I do,” he says anyways, because he needs to hear it. He needs to know that whatever they had wasn’t a figment of his imagination, that he wasn’t drunk when it happened. That it was real, that _Maia _is real. “Almost every day.”

That makes her stop and looks up to see the other last customers leave Hunter’s Moon. It’s just them now.

With her gaze fixed somewhere across the bar, she says, “if you came here to go down a memory lane, you’re wasting your time.”

“Do you think it was a mistake?” he pushes, because that’s what he does. He pushes, hoping that someone will push back, and he knows deep down Maia is that someone.

It’s not fair to put her in this situation. Not after Simon and that disaster that was Jordan. And Jace wishes that he had been around when that happened, to be her shoulder to cry on for at least one night, allow her to bring her walls down just one time and then they could all forget about it. Jace wishes that things were different between them, he really does.

“How can you ask me that when you’re following your girlfriend around? That could be considered as cheating.” She smirks, but there’s not humor in her voice. Just resentment.

It’s like a dagger straight to his heart but it’s fine. _I can take this. _He huffs. “It’s not cheating if she doesn’t remember me, or any of us for that matter. For me to cheat, that would imply that there’s a relationship and by the looks of it, there’s _nothing.” _

Word-vomit. Because when caution is out, word-vomit is in and maybe coming here wasn’t that great of an idea, but he won’t leave. He won’t scape just because he’s terrified of what she would say.

She looks at him, spends a ridiculous amount of time with her gaze fixed on his face, studying him. He feels exposed, vulnerable, like a wound that won’t heal, under her scrutiny.

“What?” he asks, because everything is better than this silence.

“You’re in love with Clary. You should be the one asking yourself that,” she replies at last, matter of factly. There’s no judgement in her voice, just an observation.

And the answer should be that yes, it was a mistake. A one-night stand, no strings attached. Uncomplicated. That turned into three and four nights until it was over because Clary was back in his life.

It’s really a wonder Maia is not kicking him out for tossing her like a dirty cloth. She deserves better, she deserves better than him and he should leave, he should let her live her life without him being in it.

And yet, he can’t move. He _can’t _leave.

“I don’t,” Jace says, making her stop when she moves to turn around. “I don’t think it was a mistake.”

He’s being honest and he hopes that shows on his face. He’s putting everything out there this time, this one time because Maia deserves that.

She sighs and for the time ever since he came, she deems him worthy of her attention, full attention. “I don’t know what’s your aim here, Jace, but I’m not in the mood for it. It was a one-time thing that was over before it could be… It’s over. Just because you’re alone now doesn’t mean you can come back and I will be waiting for you with open arms. I don’t want to be your second-best choice.”

He presses his lips tightly. Maia has an ability with words; her words are like sharp knifes that cut through everything and pokes at his most sensitive insides and leaving him bleeding. A gnarly comparison but that’s how he feels. Open, exposed and bleeding.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters, even thought he knows it won’t make a difference. “I never wanted you to feel like that. I’m sorry, for everything. But I just… You need to know that if things were different, maybe if we were different…”

He trails off, not daring to say what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling but he hopes she knows. _I would be with you_. That _something_ flashes across her face again but this time it stays there longer. She feels just as vulnerable as he does.

“But we are not,” she whispers, her eyes on his.

The silence stretches between them, daring whoever to speak, to say what’s on their minds, what they are both thinking. He consoles himself with the fact that at least she doesn’t think this was a mistake. Whatever they had was real for both of them, that Maia felt _something_, just like he did, and he damns the universe to hell and back for their situation.

_What if._

“For what it’s worth,” he starts, holding her gaze, “you were never second-best choice.”

**Author's Note:**

> [@iactlikegarfieldonamonday](https://iactlikegarfieldonamonday.tumblr.com/) if you guys want to chat/scream with me :)


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